Monday, July 23, 2007

The Power of Christ Compels You!!

Since Fr. Plarvik insists on not letting us perform an exorcism unless it denies the existence of the devil and "respects the deceiver-trickster archetypes of indigenous cultures" (did he learn that line from the late H Robert?), Fr. Heidrich and I will at some point perform a long-distance exorcism, similar to what Pope Pius XII did to Hitler. As one might recall, that did not go so smoothly, so we are giving advanced notice.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Further Announcements

Some announcements that failed to make the bulletin. In order to not emulate the Novus Ordo, I refuse to make announcements in the midst of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, but I've been so busy with the construction project I forgot to mention them here until now. Also, due to recent developments, I have some more to add.

Since our destruction of a city block downtown and subsequent celebration of the Eucharist in a tent on the construction site, curiosity in the SSLI has grown considerably. However, this has also attracted certain "undesirables". These persons do not come dressed in appropriate attire to stand before Our Lord. Anything short of a SUIT AND TIE for men and a MANTILLA AND DRESS for women is UNACCEPTABLE ATTIRE. Being an on-call nurse practitioner or being poor and homeless are NOT ACCEPTABLE EXCUSES. I will not tolerate our Chapel becoming a Novus Ordo circus.

Friday Bingo Night will now also include roulette and a craps table thanks to the generous help of the Borgia family. Proceeds will of course go towards the Renovation Fund (after a percentage asked to cover Vincenzo's operating expenses).

As some may have heard, certain charges against our own Sir Feeney have been levied. Having investigated the charges myself, I have confirmed that he is indeed an escaped mental patient but more importantly has received valid Orders. I therefore see no problem in keeping the Holy Knights of the Truly Traditional Church as an Order of the SSLI. A reminder that we only offer spiritual support and have no administrative ties to the organization (and thus we know nothing of Mr. Fawcett's disappearance).

Finally, St. Benedict medals are available in the vestibule (currently the large hole before you reach the tent) for a small fee of $2.99 for aid in the protection against evil, which the presence of witchcraft in our fair city has wrought upon us all.

Monday, July 16, 2007

On Notice

The Pope may be an indifferentist, but we are not! The following non-Churches have been put "On Notice". Thank you Monsieur Colbert, for standing up for all things truthy!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Britian Reconquered!

Deo Gratias! Assuming by "Roman Catholic" he means the exiled Rome to be found in Knoxville, TN, which I am sure he does.

Also, I have invited M. Colbert to receive proper thurible training from Fr. Heidrich.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Leonard Feeney, Ora Pro Nobis!

Once again, Rome proves herself removed from the One True Faith! Based on the initial reports, I was at first overjoyed that the Pope may have been returning to the Truly Traditional Church. "If it isn't Catholic, then it's not a proper church, says Pope" "Pope Calls Non-Catholic Churches 'Defective'" the headlines read. I almost removed the Holy See from the Index, but before doing so, I stumbled upon the actual document (TRULY FAITHFUL BEWARE!) It turns out that Ratzinger-Benedict is in actuality still obstinate in his warm and fuzzy ultra-LIBERAL ways!

The document reads: "It is possible, according to Catholic doctrine, to affirm correctly that the Church of Christ is present and operative in the churches and ecclesial Communities not yet fully in communion with the Catholic Church, on account of the elements of sanctification and truth that are present in them." "It follows that these separated churches and Communities, though we believe they suffer from defects, are deprived neither of significance nor importance in the mystery of salvation. In fact the Spirit of Christ has not refrained from using them as instruments of salvation, whose value derives from that fullness of grace and of truth which has been entrusted to the Catholic Church"

THE HORROR! Whatever happened to "Outside the Church NO Salvation"? No, we shall not bow to such BLATANT ECUMENISM! The Truthiness shall prevail!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Joy of My Youth

I was patrolling the interweb for heresy when I stumbled upon this video. It brought back memories of when I was in seminary (the SSPX one that I was kicked out of).


Saturday, July 7, 2007

Motu Non Gratis

There is much confusion over the latest "motu propio" that I fear the Truly Faithful may be mislead by the deceits of Apostate Rome. The following catechism shall instruct the Truly Faithful so they do not have to read the accursed document themselves. It also may be instructive for the media to read (since I have been receiving many inquiries from them).

Q) Why was the Motu Proprio released?

A) The Motu Proprio was released in conspiracy with the Freemasons and the Communists in order to fool the Truly Traditional into uniting with Rome and embrace heretical post-Vatican II doctrines.

Q) Does the Motu Proprio allow for more widespread use of the Traditional Latin Mass?

A) Only as an "extraordinary expression", and by this Ratzinger (the so-called Pope Benedict) is not complementing its heavenly nature. Instead, he places the Mass of the Saints as second to the blasphemous Novus Ordo. Anything short of the complete rejection of the Novus Ordo shall not be acceptable to us.

Q) When may be the Traditional Latin Mass be said?

A) The Traditional Latin Mass is ONLY allowed to be said once on Sundays and Holy Days, and ONLY in private or ONLY if there is some demand from the laity. In other words I cannot hijack a Novus Ordo parish and impose the Latin Mass upon them all! How dare the Pope restrict us so!

Q) How does the Novus Ordo differ from the Traditional Latin Mass?

A) The Novus Ordo involves facing the congregation, speaking in the barbaric vernacular, mandatory bad music, "priestesses", and felt banners. The following photos show the difference:

Q) What conditions remain for the SSLI to unite with Rome?

A) The SSLI and Rome have diverged so much that are are really two different religions at this point. Not only must the Novus Ordo be abolished, it must be admitted to be a heretical rite, and Vatican II a heretical Council. Pope Hilarius must be recognized as an antipope. Also the dogma that everyone except Catholics go to hell must be enforced. The SSLI and its orders must receive full recognition, as well as my rightful claim to be Bishop of Knoxville. They must release the REAL third secret of Fatima. And the Vatican must pay for my lawsuit with the Church of Scientology for inadvertently destroying their Knoxville headquarters. Should all these grievances be met, we shall at that time present a further list of grievances, and so on and so forth.

Friday, July 6, 2007


Effective immediately, all individuals who have been excommunicated or who have had their interweblog added to the Index Prohibitum are REQUIRED to display the above placard on any and all of their interweb publications. The notice label is designed to warn all who happen upon such interweb locations that extreme heresy and apostasy lie within. Such measures are absolutely necessary so as to ensure the spiritual safety of all those innocent and impressionable souls who wander about the interweb. ANY HERETIC REFUSING TO CORRECTLY EMPLOY THE MONIKER SHALL BE IMMEDIATELY REPORTED TO THE FIRST KNIGHT SUPREME OF THE HOLY KNIGHTS OF THE TRUELY TRUE CHURCH FOR PUNISHMENT.


Some had asked to personally help with the demolition of the old chapel. However, it was ultimately our decision that a really really big explosion was most appropriate for the job.

As for the buildings adjacent to the former chapel... consider it eminent domain.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

I Bring Glad Tidings!

Having counted the proceeds of yesterday's picnic, I believe we have enough to begin construction of the new chapel. Demolition is set for tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

A Truly Traditional Order

I have given George time off from his Inquisitor role so he can work more on the organ. We have found more dastardly heretical interwebsites, some of which have tried to escape our wrath with the use of latin, but to no avail:
Wherefore in the name of God the All-powerful, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, of the Blessed Peter, Prince of the Apostles, and of all the saints, in virtue of the power which has been given us in binding and loosing in Heaven and on earth, we deprive them and all their accomplices and all their abettors of the Communion of the Body and Blood of Our Lord, we separate them from the society of all Christians, we exclude them from the bosom of our Holy Mother the Church in Heaven and on earth, we declare them excommunicated and anathemized and we judge them condemned to eternal fire with Satan and all his angels and all the reprobate, so long as they will not burst the fetters of the demon, do penance and satisfy the Church; we deliver them to Satan to mortify their bodies, that their souls may be saved on the day of judgement.

But do not fret, Truly Traditional! There is a new order of vocations whose mission is to spread the Truthy Truth to all nations and to slay the apostates in its wake! The Holy Knights of The Truly True Church! I encourage everyone who has a son who feels called to the priesthood (or even if they don't!) to consider talking with the vocations director, Sir Rev. Feeney.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Picnic Preparations

Well, today has been a busy day around the rectory. Fr. Heidrich is busy baking his penitential brownies. I picked up my good ferraiolo from the dry cleaners. The Borgias dropped off the doubles from their latest child's Baptism (little Cesare).

I also received some instructions from the Spirit of Vatican II picnic coordinators. NO WEAPONS OF ANY KIND SHALL BE ALLOWED ON THE PICNIC GROUNDS. That includes guns, knives, bombs, grenades, spears, pikes, maces, arrows, poisons, lances, holy water, or catechisms. I am particularly disappointed in the last one, as I had planned to bring about 200,000 copies of tracts on the errors of the Conciliar Church illustrated by Jack Chick.

I apologize to Vincenzo, Lorenzo, Alessandro, Francesco, and Sir Rev. Feeney for the inconvenience. I tried to defend your Second Amendment Rights, but the SOV2 folks just would not concede.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Act of Mercy

If anyone has any funds to spare (after the 95% tithe of course), there is an opportunity to help a fellow Truly Traditional Catholic. Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney is in need of transportation to Knoxville, hopefully in time for the picnic. Sir Rev. Feeney has been quite amicable in our corespondences--very much like Fr. Anderson--and may appease those who have complained to me about Fr. Heidrich being (que veut dire?) "Too soft".