I have received several inquiries regarding the current sede vacante situation here in Knoxville and the impending election. I have therefore taken the liberty of writing a short catechism in order to address these questions.
Q) What does "sede vacante" mean?
A) "Sede vacante" is latin meaning "vacant seat". Here it does not refer to a literal seat but to the position or "See" of a Bishop. The See in question here is that of the Diocese of Knoxville.
Q) Is not a bishop appointed by the Pope?
A) Under normal circumstances, yes. However Pope Benedict has succumbed to the evils of Vatican II. This heresy makes the Pope incapable of choosing an approprite bishop for the Diocese of Knoxville. THE GATES OF HELL SHALL NOT PREVAIL AGAINST THE CHURCH! A Bishop must exist in order to continue the True Tradition of the Church unto the End of Time. This presents an extraordinary situation in which Bishops may be elected. Therefore it is the DUTY of all Truly Traditional Catholics to continue the Sacred Mission of the Church by electing moi, Fr. Chadwick LeJanvier, your Bishop.
Q) Who may elect a Bishop?
A) Any Truly Traditional Catholic may vote for Bishop. Votes cast by the heretics are INVALID!
Q) Who is a Truly Traditional Catholic?
A) Truly Traditional Catholics are those who reject Modernism in all its forms and fulfill their Sunday Obligation at a SSLI Chapel.
Q) How may one become a Truly Traditional Catholic?
A) Anyone may join a Truly Traditional Church by submitting to ALL the teachings of the Truly Traditional Church and by repenting with sackcloth and ashes. One may then show his baptismal certificate to the nearest SSLI Chapel to join (assuming of course one can meet the mandatory 90% tithe).
Q) Are you even a validly ordained Priest?
A) I was ordained on the same boat Fr. Plarvik was. This was in order to escape the persecutions of the Conciliar dioceses who refused to obey the WILL OF GOD by performing my ordination. So if you must question my ordination, you must also question Fr. Plarvik's.
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. So if you must question my ordination, you must also question Fr. Plarvik's.
Well, that certainly clears things up!
Father LeJanvier (or should I say Your Excellency? :)),
What is the protocol on hairshirts? Must they be made of my own hair? Animal hair? What about polyester?
Your highness, your highness,
Rob
Your Excellency, eh? I do like the sound of it!
The hairshirt should preferably be goat hair. Camel hair or similar material may also be used. Polyester is forbidden, as it is a product of ungodly modern industry.
-Fr. Chadwick LeJanvier, SSLI
Although it too is a product of modern industry, I believe that I am willing to let steel wool pass as an approved hair substitute for the purpose of the manufacturing hairshirts. Adding razor-wire around the edges is a good way to slice a small portion off of one's eternity in purgatory.
+ Rev. Fr. Michael A. Heidrich +
Oh...kay. So let me get this straight.
1. A schismatic organization (that would be you...SSLI)
2. which by its very nature is actually in direct conflict with the promise given to the Church, that very same promise you quote, that the "Gates of hell will not prevail", et al.,
3. has the audacity to call others "schismatic",
4. having already thrown the actual yardstick away and continue to burn it in effigy?
Wow. Excommunicate me, Padre. It's not the "see" that is vacant...it is your theology.
Must it be a shirt? I have a coat which is said to be of camel hair.
SHIRTS ONLY
“Ask, and it shall be given you: seek, and you shall find: knock, and it shall be opened to you. For every one that asketh, receiveth: and he that seeketh, findeth: and to him that knocketh, it shall be opened.”
In accordance with the Word of God: Adoro te Devote… EXCOMMUNICATED
+ Rev. Fr. Michael A. Heidrich +
Thank you. Will I be beheaded or burned at the stake for my heresy? I'd just like to be able to give my family proper instructions for my relics...uh...remains.
terrence ~
if you turn your coat inside out and don't wear a shirt or anything to prevent the camel hair from rubbing against your skin, then you actually perform a more severe penance than the hair shirt would be.
Unfortunately, as you would not be able to hide the use of the coat as a hair shirt, then the coat could become an occasion for sin (Pharisee - style), so in this case, Fr. Michael is right and it should be shirts only.
But if you get a dispensation and maybe go into hiding for a few days without telling anyone where you are or what you are doing, except for your Confessor, then you might be able to use the coat.
Or just shave the coat and turn it into a shirt. That might work.
Excuse me, Rev. Father Michael. You bear a strong resemblance to Pinhead in the movie Hellraiser. Was that you doing some sort of mortification?
Swissmiss… EXCOMMUNICATED
+ Rev. Fr. Michael A. Heidrich +
But, Reverend Father, you didn't answer my question. Your society might want to look into this type of thing. It might actually put a smile on your face.
Who do ask write to about an appeal for my excommunication?
SMILES, AS WELL AS ANY OTHER OUTWARD SIGNS OF HAPPINESS, ARE STRICTLY PROHIBITED ANYWHERE WITHIN A ONE MILE RADIUS OF THE CHAPEL OF SAINT LEO THE GREAT – VIOLATORS SHOULD BE REPORTED TO THE NEWLY CREATED OFFICE OF THE INQUISITOR GENERALIS TO ENSURE A SWIFT AND FITTING PUNISHMENT
ALL EXCOMMUNICATIONS ARE FINAL AND IRREVERSIBLE
Swissmiss… EXCOMMUNICATED X2 (for gross disregard of the absolute authority of the office of the Parochial Vicar)
+ Rev. Fr. Michael A. Heidrich +
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