Friday, March 21, 2008


That poor organ! Poor, poor organ! Crushed under the stones!

So here is a recap of what happened:

Fr. Heidrich was just lowering the tiara the Borgias brought from Washington, D.C. onto Fr. Chad's head when the FBI arrived. The Borgias pulled out their concealed weapons, including 90 year-old Lucrezia in her wheelchair. Fr. Heidrich pulled out his Mauser from beneath his vestments and ducked behind the throne. Fr. Chad kept on telling everyone named Anathema to sit, but either no one was named Anathema or nobody heard him. Then there was this earthquake, and the walls of the chapel collapsed. The keystone swung violently directly above where Fr. Chad was. The rope suddenly snapped, and the stone hit Fr. Chad on the head. Thank goodness he was wearing that tiara, or he could've gotten hurt badly. Miraculously the tiara didn't even dent!

Fr. Chad is recovering in the hospital. He currently has amnesia, not remembering ever being the Pope or even a priest. He's actually been friendly towards the hospital chaplain, who likes both Latin and the Novus Ordo.

Fr. Heidrich suffered minor injuries and was extradited back to Germany on unknown charges.

Fr. Anderson was expelled from Iraq the very same day, after a historic act of parliament unanimously declared his approach to proselytism "violent extremism." His current whereabouts are unknown.

The tiara went back to D.C. with Agent Smith, who made sure its disappearance was kept secret.

As for me... Fr. Juno, is St. Albert the Great in need of an organist?

Thursday, March 20, 2008


The time is almost upon us, so we shall reveal what we have been told by divine revelation. The "Church" currently occupying the halls of Rome has forsaken Tradition and has taken to sail wherever the winds of Modernism takes her. This is most displeasing to the Lord, who has, in turn, deigned to start His Church anew here in Knoxville, TN.

To that end, I, Chadwick LeJanvier of the Society of Saint Leo I, have been appointed Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church. I shall be officially coronated, tiara and all, at tonight's Dedication Ceremony as Pope Leo XIV. But even before the coronation, we still hold all powers of the Pontifical Office, and thus a few orders of business:

  • The "Novus Ordo," in all its forms, has been suppressed.
  • Fr. Heidrich is appointed Grand Inquisitor of the Holy Office. He shall be made Cardinal at the next Consistory.
  • The usage of modern appliances such as motorcars is a cause for grave sin.
  • The following have been charged with formal heresy on diverse counts: Fr. Timothy Plarvik, Fr. Curt Kane, Maryann McGronk, Ché Lovell, Dr. Thomas Al-Fakkir, Todd Turk, H. Robert Williams, P. V. Rajendajendan, Dr. and Ms. Argot, Britnee Hamilton, and all others who have ever associated themselves with Spirit of Vatican 2 Parish.
  • Spirit of Vatican 2 Parish will be closed and sold for scrap.
  • Knoxville is hereby appointed an Archdiocese and St. Leo the Great a Cathedral-Basilica.
  • The following Orders have been suppressed: the Gorbertines, the Society of Jesus, Opus Dei, the Canons Regular of St. John Cantius, the Personal Apostolic Administration of St. John Mary Vianney, the FSSP, the SSPX, and all such liberal orders.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Spy Wednesday

Agent Smith, I simply cannot accept the accusations you have given me against the Borgias. I will have to take you up on your offer of showing me the declassified documents on them to become totally convinced. The Borgias are a very pious Italian family who has made their fortune by expanding their meat-packing industry by harnessing the power of the interweb to procure seafood... at least that is how I understood it. They could not possibly be involved in organized crime!

If it is any consolation, I can tell you this much: the entire family plans to attend the Dedication tomorrow. They will be flying in from Washington, however, as that is the closest location, they have informed me, that they could retrieve a particular item that they wish to gift us.

Another Apparition

It no longer matters that I did not win the election. After my usual afternoon tea, having tried the leaves sent to me from Vincenzo, I went to pray before Our Lady of Knoxville (the miraculous image on the apple) . And Lo! A heavenly vision appeared before me! And I heard a loud voice speak to me saying, (in Latin, of course: the heavenly language, of which has been translated to the English here): "LeJanvier, thou art my servant. Do not fear the outcome of the Episcopal election. Democracy is an abhorrence to the Kingdom of God; an invention of the Freemasons, perennial enemies of the Church. To thee We hath deemed a much greater vocation."

What my new mission is, I cannot reveal until tomorrow's Dedication. However, I have informed the Borgias by electronic mail, who I need to complete the preparations.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Chapel Dedication

It is about time that we give an update on construction of St. Leo the Great Chapel. We have been interviewed by WVLT for some upcoming report of theirs. At first I thought is had to do with the imminent debate for the next Bishop of Knoxville, but it in fact was related to the topic of urban blight. The man seemed to have short-term memory problems, since he would frequently ask "What are you doing about the situation?" and I would reply, "Just look around you!" and he would respond "I know. What are you going to do about it?" I also assured him that we are members of the City of God, not the City of Man, and thus are not bound to secular building codes.

Here are some photos of our progress:

Next week we plan to install the keystone of the main arch, which brings me to our next announcement:

All are Cordially Invited to


in Commemoration of the Dedication of the Keystone of


Knoxville, TN

March 20, 2008

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Go St. Mary's!

The SSLI and the SSPX may not agree on every issue, but in this one we are in solidarity:

Removal of woman referee by religious school has some crying foul

Friday, February 15, 2008

Hola from Mexico!

I received a shipment from our good friends the Borgias today. Besides the usual generous donation, there is a package containing some green tea. Vincenzo says to give this to his grandfather Donato, but certainly he won't miss a spot of tea or two...