Friday, March 21, 2008
So here is a recap of what happened:
Fr. Heidrich was just lowering the tiara the Borgias brought from Washington, D.C. onto Fr. Chad's head when the FBI arrived. The Borgias pulled out their concealed weapons, including 90 year-old Lucrezia in her wheelchair. Fr. Heidrich pulled out his Mauser from beneath his vestments and ducked behind the throne. Fr. Chad kept on telling everyone named Anathema to sit, but either no one was named Anathema or nobody heard him. Then there was this earthquake, and the walls of the chapel collapsed. The keystone swung violently directly above where Fr. Chad was. The rope suddenly snapped, and the stone hit Fr. Chad on the head. Thank goodness he was wearing that tiara, or he could've gotten hurt badly. Miraculously the tiara didn't even dent!
Fr. Chad is recovering in the hospital. He currently has amnesia, not remembering ever being the Pope or even a priest. He's actually been friendly towards the hospital chaplain, who likes both Latin and the Novus Ordo.
Fr. Heidrich suffered minor injuries and was extradited back to Germany on unknown charges.
Fr. Anderson was expelled from Iraq the very same day, after a historic act of parliament unanimously declared his approach to proselytism "violent extremism." His current whereabouts are unknown.
The tiara went back to D.C. with Agent Smith, who made sure its disappearance was kept secret.
As for me... Fr. Juno, is St. Albert the Great in need of an organist?
Thursday, March 20, 2008
To that end, I, Chadwick LeJanvier of the Society of Saint Leo I, have been appointed Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church. I shall be officially coronated, tiara and all, at tonight's Dedication Ceremony as Pope Leo XIV. But even before the coronation, we still hold all powers of the Pontifical Office, and thus a few orders of business:
- The "Novus Ordo," in all its forms, has been suppressed.
- Fr. Heidrich is appointed Grand Inquisitor of the Holy Office. He shall be made Cardinal at the next Consistory.
- The usage of modern appliances such as motorcars is a cause for grave sin.
- The following have been charged with formal heresy on diverse counts: Fr. Timothy Plarvik, Fr. Curt Kane, Maryann McGronk, Ché Lovell, Dr. Thomas Al-Fakkir, Todd Turk, H. Robert Williams, P. V. Rajendajendan, Dr. and Ms. Argot, Britnee Hamilton, and all others who have ever associated themselves with Spirit of Vatican 2 Parish.
- Spirit of Vatican 2 Parish will be closed and sold for scrap.
- Knoxville is hereby appointed an Archdiocese and St. Leo the Great a Cathedral-Basilica.
- The following Orders have been suppressed: the Gorbertines, the Society of Jesus, Opus Dei, the Canons Regular of St. John Cantius, the Personal Apostolic Administration of St. John Mary Vianney, the FSSP, the SSPX, and all such liberal orders.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
If it is any consolation, I can tell you this much: the entire family plans to attend the Dedication tomorrow. They will be flying in from Washington, however, as that is the closest location, they have informed me, that they could retrieve a particular item that they wish to gift us.
What my new mission is, I cannot reveal until tomorrow's Dedication. However, I have informed the Borgias by electronic mail, who I need to complete the preparations.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Here are some photos of our progress:
Next week we plan to install the keystone of the main arch, which brings me to our next announcement:
All are Cordially Invited to
SOLEMN HIGH MASS
in Commemoration of the Dedication of the Keystone of
SAINT LEO THE GREAT CHAPEL
March 20, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Thursday, February 7, 2008
1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
It is entitled "I Am America (and so can you) by one of the last bastions of truthiness left in this nation, Stephen Colbert.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
But my sheepskin announces to all assembled that though I may be a man of the people, I also have the keys to the clubhouse. I can't count the number of times I've heard the phrase, "You went to Dartmouth? I find that hard to believe." Admissions is an arbitrary and demoralizing process, and no matter how hard you work, the outcome is often determined by personal connections.
5. Tag five people.
Five is even more than showed up for Mass at our chapel last week, so I shall tag Fr. Heidrich and George.
-the Future Most Rev. Chadwick LeJanvier, SSLI, Bishop of Knoxville
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
To celebrate this momentous occasion, a 72-hour MANDATORY period of fasting and prayer shall commence at midnight before the Image. Remember, all TRULY traditional Catholics must believe in the authenticity of this apparition DE FIDE, just like Fatima or Our Lady of the Roses.
A reliquary will be designed for this miraculous Image (pictured below) and will be promenently displayed in the soon-to-be completed chapel.