Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Further Announcements

Some announcements that failed to make the bulletin. In order to not emulate the Novus Ordo, I refuse to make announcements in the midst of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, but I've been so busy with the construction project I forgot to mention them here until now. Also, due to recent developments, I have some more to add.

Since our destruction of a city block downtown and subsequent celebration of the Eucharist in a tent on the construction site, curiosity in the SSLI has grown considerably. However, this has also attracted certain "undesirables". These persons do not come dressed in appropriate attire to stand before Our Lord. Anything short of a SUIT AND TIE for men and a MANTILLA AND DRESS for women is UNACCEPTABLE ATTIRE. Being an on-call nurse practitioner or being poor and homeless are NOT ACCEPTABLE EXCUSES. I will not tolerate our Chapel becoming a Novus Ordo circus.

Friday Bingo Night will now also include roulette and a craps table thanks to the generous help of the Borgia family. Proceeds will of course go towards the Renovation Fund (after a percentage asked to cover Vincenzo's operating expenses).

As some may have heard, certain charges against our own Sir Feeney have been levied. Having investigated the charges myself, I have confirmed that he is indeed an escaped mental patient but more importantly has received valid Orders. I therefore see no problem in keeping the Holy Knights of the Truly Traditional Church as an Order of the SSLI. A reminder that we only offer spiritual support and have no administrative ties to the organization (and thus we know nothing of Mr. Fawcett's disappearance).

Finally, St. Benedict medals are available in the vestibule (currently the large hole before you reach the tent) for a small fee of $2.99 for aid in the protection against evil, which the presence of witchcraft in our fair city has wrought upon us all.


Dr. Kanjith Hamastewphmiematama said...

Dear Mr. LeJanvier,
One of my clients, Mr. Feeney, has brought it to my attention that his personal psychiatric records are being broadcast across the Internet. This is a clear violation of his privacy rights and I have ledged a formal complaint with the Department of Homeland Security and the FBI over Agent Smith's misuse of classified psychiatric records. I hope his superiors reprimand this rogue agent.

While it is true that Mr. Feeney was in our care at the hospital, the circumstances were thus: Mr. Feeney celebrated his religious ceremonies in his cell during the course of his treatment. One day, an Episcopal priestess, one of our chaplains, confiscated all his pious supplies--I think it was because Mr. Feeney had said something derogatory towards her "orders" or something like that. Mr. Feeney, since his freedom of religious expression was being curtailed, left the hospital so that he could head to a Truly Traditional chapel.

Since Mr. Feeney had committed himself voluntarily to the hospital, he was free to go. I later diagnosed his case as one of NovusOrdosinExtremis, wherein years of psychological stress brought on by some religious disagreement (of which I, as a devout Ganesh-worshipping Hindu, do not fully understand) brought on a state of emotional and mental exhaustion.

As long as Mr. Feeney's religious views are respected, I do not think he is dangerous. Disrespect to his beliefs, however, may cause his anger complex to flare up. I wrote him a volunatry prescription for Wellbutrin, but he just sneered and said he did not need "thy potions and elixirs!"

Good day, sir.

Dr. Kanjith Hamastewphmiematama
Osawatomie State Hospital

XXXXXX said...

Dr. Kanjith,

I never used any classified information in my conversation with Fr. LeJanvier and Fr. Heidrich. There was a newspaper article that showed Sir Feeney being admitted to your facilities. As to the information about the escape, that was faulty information given to me by the state police. They said at first that he had escaped, and then there was a fax sent later in which they apologized for the typo. The correct statement was supposed to say that he was "suspected of escaping".

I showed the fax to Fr. LeJanvier today in the presence of Sir Feeney and apologized to him for the misunderstanding. He then allowed me to purchase some strong European beer (I believe it was St. Peter's Golden Ale) for him at a local pub as a token of my sincerity.

Agent Smith,
Department of Homeland Security

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC said...

For the record, Agent Smith did furnish a most heartfelt apology, and we shared many a goodly pint of stout together.

Agent Smith is a gentleman, a scholar, and a most devoted civil servant. May it be known far and wide that I bear him no ill will.

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC

Father Tim said...

Hey! Glad to hear that we agree that "once a priest, always a priest after the order of Mel Keezadeck". I hope you remember that after Maryann is ordained!

Anyways, we tried that Bingo thing too, but as gambling is illegal in Tennessee, I have to warn you, in a spirit of ecumenical love and spiritness, that they will come down on you like a ton of bricks. Apparently gambling is only permitted at the Mason's lodges and also during the annual rubber duck race on the Tennessee River.

Peace out!

Anonymous said...

Swords? Ex-mental Patients? Hitting people?

Do the hkttc have tertiaries? (I got the shakes real bad, so a shot gun would work better than a sword for me)

Shur do like the way you guys think.