Monday, July 2, 2007

Picnic Preparations

Well, today has been a busy day around the rectory. Fr. Heidrich is busy baking his penitential brownies. I picked up my good ferraiolo from the dry cleaners. The Borgias dropped off the doubles from their latest child's Baptism (little Cesare).

I also received some instructions from the Spirit of Vatican II picnic coordinators. NO WEAPONS OF ANY KIND SHALL BE ALLOWED ON THE PICNIC GROUNDS. That includes guns, knives, bombs, grenades, spears, pikes, maces, arrows, poisons, lances, holy water, or catechisms. I am particularly disappointed in the last one, as I had planned to bring about 200,000 copies of tracts on the errors of the Conciliar Church illustrated by Jack Chick.

I apologize to Vincenzo, Lorenzo, Alessandro, Francesco, and Sir Rev. Feeney for the inconvenience. I tried to defend your Second Amendment Rights, but the SOV2 folks just would not concede.


Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC said...

Thiz is Br. Denzinger writin for Fr. Feeney, he is dictating this to me becuz he is quote '2 pissed 2 type.' He is currently hitting the pinball machine in the gameroom with his big sword.

Father wishes 2 know why you would bow before the hereticks, Fr. Chadwick, u should have fought for weapons to be there. Unless this is some kind of trap/trick, then that is good idea!!!!

(if u ask me, Fr. Feeney like picnincs with weaponz. I thinks he is disappointed there will be no killin'. Will there be chiken wings there? I like chiken wings.)

--Brother Lefebvre Fellay Denzinger, writting on behaff of Fr. Feeney

Rev. Fr. Michael said...

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney,

I understand your disappointment concerning the “no weapons” policy that the SOV2 “Faith Community” has put in place for the upcoming event, but rest assured, we shall not be attending undefended; remember that I will be providing the baked goods for the occasion. Additionally, I have been in contact with Agent Smith, and he has assured me that no harm (physical, spiritual or otherwise) shall befall SSLI members who attend the activity (he mentioned something about sniper coverage and a standby tactical team in passing). I, for one, shall be attending with the most powerful weapon known to man: the TRUTHY TRUTH. Also note the conspicuous absence of holy relics, pitchforks, and burning torches from the long list of SOV2 prohibited items. I will be sure to bring these things along in the carriage just in case an emergency exorcism is determined to be necessary.

+ Rev. Fr. Michael A. Heidrich +

P.S. – Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney: I have recently been contacted by Rev. Fr. Alexander Anderson (former Parochial Vicar of Saint Leo the Great Chapel currently on leave in Iraq for reasons of ecumenical outreach) and it seems as though he may be in need of some additional assistance in his current undertakings. Your name and specialties came up during our short conversation, and it seems as though you might be just the right knight to lend Rev. Fr. Anderson a hand. More to come shortly…

Sir Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC said...

Fr. Michael,
Since ye are my spiritual elder, I must bow before thy ecumenical wisdom. The vow of obedience can be hard, but I shall honor it!! Very well, as long as there are pitchforks available for tickling heretics with, then I guess I can manage. I shall have to derive my pleasure from the way they will quiver and shake in cowardly fear when they see the redoubtable knights of the HKTTC up close and in full resplendent armor!

Tell Fr. Alexander that I stand ready to assist him whenever need be. Getting to Iraq may be a bit of a problem, as my impecunious state has not been changed. Brother and I are in the midst of a plan to change that, although its implementation might occlude us from making the picnic.

Sir. Rev. Leonard Feeney, HKTTC
'Blood dripping from my sword means I've done an honest day's work'

Che' Lovell said...

Hey Guys! Now that Father Tim is gone I can explore some of the banned blogs. I know that's not okay but you know my conscince (sp?) says that I am just exploring and everybody has a right to explore sometimes and stuff.

Anyway yes there will be chicken wings... and fried chickens. I am really mad because I don't believe in murdering chickens but I guess we have to make concessions which is another word for food isn't it?

Oh YAH! And there will be a bunch of girls there like Krystal and Candi who I met Saturday night and she's really cute and looks like Sheila E. But don't get any ideas because I'm trying to set Candi up with NAT!

Oh YAH again! I'm bringing my lawn dart set (I'm sneanking them in). I don't think there as dangerous as people think. I've hit keith maybe ten or fifteen times and he's still pretty much okay.


Rob said...

Those Borgia kids are cute. And that little Cesare, he seems to have a military air about him. He will probably make a good soldier someday...

RT said...

I think you are mistaken--Jack Chick is against the whole Church, not just the conciliar church. I think that he mistakenly views the True Church and the conciliar church to be the same.

It says that you cannot bring catechisms, but have you inquired as to whether that moratorium includes many of the other works that are not necessarily catechetical. (for instance, the "Catholic Controversy", by St. Francis de Sales, or the "Interior Castle" by St. Theresa of Avila--maybe a treatise or two by St. Robert Bellarmine). Also, you could always write down the appropriate verses from memory.

Blessed Oil and Salt also appear to be excluded from the prohibited items. Maybe you can bring ordinary bottles of water and then bless them when you arrive.


Hidden One said...

I suggest blessed nails and wood, too. For the crucifixions, of course.

XXXXXX said...

Fr. LeJanvier,

I already asked Che to take some photographs and video of the picnic for my files, but I would like to give another camera to you or Fr. Heidrich because there will be so many people in attendance--I just want to make sure that I have a picture of each person. Also, if you could write down or record--I have these microphones too--anything that sounds unusual, especially any statements made by Dr. Al-Fakkir. I'll stop by later to give you the cameras and recording equipment.

I'm not sure why, but Fr. Heidrich asked me for some ways to conceal large books (I believe he said that they needed to be about the size of an encyclopedia or something like that--something about cat kisims). We do have these serving trays with a deep compartment underneath. It should protect whatever book he has in mind. I'll drop that off with the cameras tonight.

Agent Smith,
Department of Homeland Security

ps. You said that you want to bring some "blissed water"--there are way to sew pockets on the inside of your clothes to hide bottles inside.

radtradchad said...


I myself hope for some vocations to come from the Borgias, but Vincenzo says he needs them all to help with the family business right now.


Hopefully my conversation with Mr. Chick will lead to his conversion. He was a bit confused about the Virgin Mary thinking Her to be a pagan goddess, but he seemed to listen intently when I spoke to him about how only She as Mediatrix can stay the Hand of God's Wrath. His depictions of the Conciliar Church are quite accurate, I must say.

Agent Smith,

Thank you for the tips. I should warn you the Borgias are a bit camera shy around photographers they don't know.

-Fr. Chadwick LeJanvier, SSLI