Friday, June 29, 2007

Interweblog Rating

I'm quite surprised by our rating. We openly discuss the evils and consequences of heresy here that I would not think appropriate for children. Also, we are very selective as to who we admit here at St. Leo's.

Online Dating

Mingle2 - Online Dating

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

An Announcement

I have been informed by Vincenzo and Alto Borgia of the Altar Society (and our newest and most generous benefactors, I might add) that no more contributions to the Motu Propio betting pool will be accepted. Thank you.

Also, I forgot to mention in the bulletin the Free Triddy bears are currently available in the vestibule (no, the bears themselves are NOT free).

Miraculous Photograph!

This is really SCARY!!! Is it an Apparition of the Holy Ghost? A sign of the apocalypse?? A demon? Whatever it is, it is definitely supernatural cause lights don't just appear in the air like that! I've gotta ask Fr. Chad about this!

Monday, June 25, 2007

Reinforcements Arrive!

With all the recent excommunications, I do not want people to despair and think ALL the world is in Darkness (though almost all of it is). So today I give you some other Truly Traditional Catholics who share in our cause:
Also Fr. Heidrich has agreed to attend the picnic, under the condition that HE shall bake the brownies to ensure they are not enjoyable and in fact a penance to consume.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Hi, everybody!

I'm George the Organist. I'm burning the midnight oil tonight repairing the organ. We ran a test run Friday with some gregorian chant and in a few minutes there was this lady's scream and Fr. Chad told me it was some evil woman in polyester possessed by a vatican spirit. I'm terribly afraid of ghosts and demons and the like I shouldn't be writing about them when its all dark here and the bewitching hour it scares me but fortunately i'm standing on holy ground so i'm ok.

Fr. Chad made me an inkiziter i think that's what he called it so I need to add some websites. I didn't want to take the job because it takes me away from my organ (Fr. Chad you really shouldn't have disassembled it the way you did you broke several trackers and i had to replace some of the flue pipes) but I always obey Fr. Chad so I accepted the job so here are those websites he told me to add. I'm not so poetic with ex-communicating people like Fr. Chad and Fr. Michael are but here is the list of websites he told me to add:

Lack of Funds

Hopefully none of you read the SOV2 interweblog, as you would have committed a mortal sin if you did, but IF you did, I need to clarify a few things, lest anyone believe I have been conspiring with heretics. I was NOT planning any sort of "picnic" as Fr. Plarvik suggests. My plans were more along the lines of a coup d'etat while Fr. Plarvik was away so I could sell that horrid building for scrap and use the funds to build our new Chapel. Unfortunately, he refused to give me sole custody of the grounds. I did, however, manage to work out a new fundraising scheme.

We will be holding a bake sale during SOV2's "celebration." Every person will be given a QUOTA of 1200 brownies which must be sold at $5.00 a piece. If one does not sell all their brownies, they MUST purchase the remaining baked goods themselves.

I am REQUIRING all faithful Catholics to attend. I might have difficulty convincing Fr. Heidrich that picnics are not intrinsically evil (though there are plenty of occasions of sin at such festivities and I ask everyone to have custody of the eyes, ESPECIALLY around the labyrinth/main building area)

Meanwhile I have been given an offer by a nice, pious Italian family who may be able to help us in our renovation.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Liturgical Abuse!

The above "Mass" is from the Church of St. Agnes in St. Paul, MN. It follows the rubrics of the Novus Ordo. It is only a matter of time before they begin celebrating CLOWN MASSES!

Meanwhile Agent Smith showed me some of the high resolution photographs he has taken of what an SOV2 liturgy is like. It is so horrid I cannot post the details for it is dangerous for the weak of faith (or faint of heart!). Besides, he said they were classified.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Inquisitor Generalis

In order to deal with the increasing number of heresy sightings, I have installed a new position of Inquisitor Generalis here at the Chapel. Due to our current staff shortage, George the Organist will have to take on this position as well. I have installed the above Mouth in which one can deposit anonymously reports of heresy and derision. I had to spend the renovation funds to have it installed, I'm afraid.

Accusations may also be mailed to:
Inquisitor General
c/o St. Leo the Great Chapel
1962 Main St. N.
Knoxville, TN 37929

Or they may be left in the comments box of this post.

Pray that our endeavor would be pleasing to Tomas de Torquemada, of good memory.

Further Excommunications

My, the interweb is just filled with heresy, isn't it?

The following we condemn with bell, book and candle:
These interweblogs are crafty, looking all Truly Traditional on the outside, but filled with warm and fuzzy Conciliarism on the inside. THE TRULY TRADITIONAL BEWARE!!

Monday, June 18, 2007

Renovation Preview

I am happy to give all Faithful Catholics a preview of our renovation plans for St. Leo the Great Chapel. I realize it may not be ornate enough for everyone's tastes, but hopefully our humble chapel may be capable of giving glory to Almighty God, nonetheless.

Support Totus Pius!

Of course, my favorite Pontiff is St. Leo the Great. But any Pope named Pius ties for second. So of course, when an interweblog comes into being that has the support of ALL the Piuses, I have no choice but to approve. Especially of note is their current mission to alleviate the suffering of so-called "churches" possessed with the Spirit of Vatican II. Such establishments will assuredly be set "aflame" with the Holy Ghost. I encourage anyone who has the means to support this new ministry established by Their Holinesses.

Also, everyone please be on your best behavior, as a special guest from Washington, DC will be staying with us.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Sunday within the Octave of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus/Third Sunday After Pentecost

Fr. Heidrich gave an inspired homily this Sunday. I hope he decides to post it here. Father also informed me that I could cut my penance in half if all the parishoners share in my suffering. Therefore A MANDATORY WEARING OF HAIRSHIRTS FOR SEVEN DAYS HAS BEEN ISSUED. This is not to replace the mandatory fast celebrating Fr. Heidrich's arrival.

Today's collection was the best ever! After issuing the mandatory tithe, we have raised a total of $93.81 for much needed renovations for our chapel.

Earlier today I passed by that ugly Spirit of Vatican II on Dry Gap Pike and saw it surrounded by strange hooded men with AKs. They looked like Infidels to me. One of them was the man who sold me that deplorable weapon of the evil Communists. As it turns out, that treachorous man was none other than one Dr. al-Fakkir, recently appointed head of "Ecumenical Outreach" over at SOV2! I should of known Fr. Plarvik was behind this plot to destroy the faith of the Truly Traditional!

Electing Bishops: A Catechism

I have received several inquiries regarding the current sede vacante situation here in Knoxville and the impending election. I have therefore taken the liberty of writing a short catechism in order to address these questions.

Q) What does "sede vacante" mean?

A) "Sede vacante" is latin meaning "vacant seat". Here it does not refer to a literal seat but to the position or "See" of a Bishop. The See in question here is that of the Diocese of Knoxville.

Q) Is not a bishop appointed by the Pope?

A) Under normal circumstances, yes. However Pope Benedict has succumbed to the evils of Vatican II. This heresy makes the Pope incapable of choosing an approprite bishop for the Diocese of Knoxville. THE GATES OF HELL SHALL NOT PREVAIL AGAINST THE CHURCH! A Bishop must exist in order to continue the True Tradition of the Church unto the End of Time. This presents an extraordinary situation in which Bishops may be elected. Therefore it is the DUTY of all Truly Traditional Catholics to continue the Sacred Mission of the Church by electing moi, Fr. Chadwick LeJanvier, your Bishop.

Q) Who may elect a Bishop?

A) Any Truly Traditional Catholic may vote for Bishop. Votes cast by the heretics are INVALID!

Q) Who is a Truly Traditional Catholic?

A) Truly Traditional Catholics are those who reject Modernism in all its forms and fulfill their Sunday Obligation at a SSLI Chapel.

Q) How may one become a Truly Traditional Catholic?

A) Anyone may join a Truly Traditional Church by submitting to ALL the teachings of the Truly Traditional Church and by repenting with sackcloth and ashes. One may then show his baptismal certificate to the nearest SSLI Chapel to join (assuming of course one can meet the mandatory 90% tithe).

Q) Are you even a validly ordained Priest?

A) I was ordained on the same boat Fr. Plarvik was. This was in order to escape the persecutions of the Conciliar dioceses who refused to obey the WILL OF GOD by performing my ordination. So if you must question my ordination, you must also question Fr. Plarvik's.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Opus Diabolis

There is so much decadence on television. The only good thing to be found is Steven Colbert. He is the most honest and genuine person in the media. His devotion towards truthiness is applaudable. I would watch him every day except I shot my television set with my AK not too long ago.

Before I shot my television, however, there was a lot of talk about "Opus Dei". At first I was intrigued. Monk-assassins performing mortification until they bleed sounded like an order I could truly go for. But then I was disappointed to find out just how LIBERAL they really are. First of all, they believe that lay people performing earthly occupations can be done as an offering to God. This sounds like some Conciliar idea to me, as if everyone is a priest on some level. Now I have never read any Vatican II documents (it would be sinful for me to do so!), but I know it is heretical based on its fruits. Just look at nearby Spirit of Vatican II "Church"! Vatican II just HAS to be evil!

You also know Opus Dei must be heretical because John Paul II gave them a personal prelature. The last time I tried to get SSLI made a personal prelature, I was shown the door by some Swiss Guards.

Opus Dei has been added to the Index, along with Jane-of-Art (Thank you for the tip, Fr. Heidrich!)

Also all Truly Traditional Catholics MUST avoid the Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter! Sure, they LOOK traditional, but they are really Council-loving MODERNISTS!!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

un petit même

I have been asked to complete a "même" listing what things do not bother me. Fortunately I was not asked for a list of things that do bother me, as that list would be considerably longer. In no particular order:
  1. Latin
  2. Republicans
  3. Holy War
  4. fasting for 40 days
  5. corporal mortification
  6. dissent against Vatican II
  7. suppressed private revelation
  8. censorship
  9. cultural superiority
  10. wearing black in summer
  11. tithing
  12. caesaropapism
  13. sedevacantism
  14. Feeneyism
  15. cheese
  16. scrupulosity
  17. the Spanish Inquisition (NOBODY expected that, right?)
  18. witch hunts
  19. burning heretics
  20. the "Dark Ages"
  21. Mel Gibson

I am fairly sure everything else bothers me.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Welcome Fr. Heidrich

Faithful Catholics of St. Leo the Great, please welcome the Rev. Fr. Michael A. Heidrich to our chapel. He is from the Regensburg diocese in Bavaria, Germany. His ordination was performed by Archbishop Marcel LeFebvre, SSPX, himself, of blessed memory (requiescat in pacem). He should be a fine contributor to our mission.

Fr. Anderson Found!

Dear friends, I have just received a correspondence from Fr. Anderson. Here is the letter in full:

Fr. Chadwick LeJanvier, SSLI
St. Leo the Great Chapel
1962 Main St. N.
Knoxville, TN 37929

Fr. LeJanvier:

I reget to inform ye tha' aie will not bae attendin' St. Leo's as yer associate pastor. Aie'll be transferrin' to a mission in Iraq thae'll conquer the Infidels wi'ar Holy Tradition. Soon thae Chaldeans will submit tae Rome an' tae One, Truly True Church. Don't ye be worryin' bout mae safety; Aie got mae Blessed Blades and Aie'm not so easy tae kill.

"In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen."

Fr. Alexander Anderson, SSLI
Paladin, Section XIII Iscariot Organization

Please give spiritual and material support Fr. Anderson and Section XIII and their mission in Iraq. Most Modernists don't care about the Chaldeans' salvation, but that's because they have abandoned extra Ecclesiam nulla salus.

I have already been able to contact a replacement for Fr. Anderson. I can assure you that he is of the same mind as our former associate.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Where's Fr. Anderson?

Has anyone heard from Fr. Anderson? I know he departed for London on some mission. I thought he said something about hunting vampires before he left, but he has such a one-track mind when he starts reciting Psalms I did not get much information from him.

Index Prohibitum

There are a lot of so-called "Catholic" websites on the interweb spouting all sorts of terrible heresies. I have therefore decided to start a list to warn faithful Catholics of the danger.

The following interwebsites are VERBOTEN:
  • The Holy See- contains Concililar Documents and an "updated" Catechism and Code of Canon Law (As if they ever need updating!)
  • EWTN- "Catholic" television network that broadcasts Novus Ordo "Masses" and Conciliar teachings
  • Curt Jester- "comedian" who often makes fun of us "rad trads". At least he supports the Motu Propio
  • Spirit of Vatican 2- a deplorable local "Catholic faith community" whose transgressions are too long to even list here.
Remember, NO ONE is allowed to visit these interwebsites under penalty of MORTAL SIN! I'm sure this Index will have to be updated frequently over the course of time.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Why Leo I?

I am often asked why we chose as our Patron Leo the Great, Pont. Max. In the sixth century, Atilla the Hun had plundered much of Europe and had arrived even at the gates of Rome. St. Leo met to parley with the Barbarian leader. St. Peter and St. Paul appeared in the sky to aid him, and the Huns were driven back, never to return. This we find to be a worthy metaphor for the great battle waged during these Modernist times we live in.

It is also appropriate because we do not accept the teachings of Pope Hilarius, Leo's successor. We believe that at some point during his reign, Pope Hilarius was kidnapped and replaced with a double. Here is the photographic evidence to prove it:

Just look at them, they aren't the same person! We simply cannot take Pope Hilarius seriously.

We do, however, recognize the authority of Pope Benedict XVI and keep him in our prayers. Here is an example of a prayer we offer for the Holy Father:

Oh God, the shepherd and guide of all the faithful, look with favor upon Thy servant Pope Benedict XVI, whom Thou hast placed as pastor over Thy Church. Grant him, we beseech Thee, to leadest him out of the DARKNESS OF HERESY and LIBERALISM in which he walks and bring him into the LIGHT OF TRUTH. Amen.

Friday, June 8, 2007


I have recently discovered this wonderful advancement of weblogging. Now even the Interweb may be sanctified.

I had a terrible time arriving in Knoxville today. For those that don't know, I had ordered a genuine Baroque Pipe organ on the interweb location e-bay. Being new to this, however, I failed to notice the fine print which read, "Pickup only". So having hauled the instrument almost to my destination, it failed to clear an underpass outside of Louisville. You should have seen the commotion! Upon arriving at St. Leo's, I was dismayed to realize it would not clear the doorway. I had to disassemble it pipe by pipe. I hope George knows how to reassemble it when he gets back.